Post # 6: The Problem with Porn in a Pandemic: an anti-essay
Me (on phone): Hey buddy, it’s Randy, how ya doing?
Friend: Hey Randy! How’s it going? How’s quarantine going for you?
Me: Fine, fine. You know.
Friend: Yeah, yeah, I know. So what’s going on?
Me: Well, um, I’m currently writing a piece about porn.
Friend: You’re what?
Me: I’m writing a piece on porn. You know, the online stuff with naked people who-
Friend: Yeah, yeah, I fucking now what porn is. Why the hell are you doing that?
Me: I don’t know… I just feel like it’s something no one talks about.
Friend: Yeah… for a good reason, that shit’s private.
Me: Yeah yeah, but still. I think I should write about it. It’s kinda problematic in its current state.
Friend: OK… do what you want, I guess…
Me: Anyway, I’m also interviewing people I know about it, you know, research or whatever. So um, if you don’t mind I have a few questions for you.
Friend: You’ve got to be kidding me.
Me: Question one, what is the one thing you find the most disturbing about the porn you watch?
[click]
Me: Hello?…Hello?
OK, {deep breath}, let’s fucking do this.
As most of you know who have kept up with this blog, my lockdown has been a rather lonely affair, with my roommates moving out and my heartbreak and all that. So, {deep breath} many a time I have turned to online porn for a break in the pain and solitude. And believe it or not, I’m not the only one who has chosen this path.
In fact, I firmly believe that if you could somehow harness the energy spent by the millions of young men living alone during the lockdown while they self-pleasure you could replace fossil fuel as our primary source of energy in this world, forever. Hell, you could probably have enough energy left over to fuel a second earth too. We could call it ‘The New Earth: the one fueled by all the loneliness of the first earth’ (working title).
Now that in itself does not bother me. Nor does it bother me that porn is the main source fueling all this (wasted) energy. I would be a pretty big hypocrite if I suggested that. What bothers me, or at least, what I find very puzzling, is that there is this thing out in this world, porn, that is used so much by so many and no one fucking talks about it. At least not publicly. And well, I think that’s a problem, because not to sound like a square or anything, but the current state of porn is, uh, deeply problematic (and just to be clear here, for the sake of this piece, when I say porn I’m referring to what is known as straight, hetero, porn, which is the stuff that I watch. I have no opinion on any other types of porn because I don’t know anything about them).
How is it problematic? Well as the title suggests that’s what I want to get into today. I’m steering a bit off the normal path of the blog this time (don’t worry, next week will be another story about me being a jackass) to address this problem.
Now I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “Waaaait a minute, this sounds like some lame bullshit essay, this guy is gonna put me to sleep while making a bunch of points and citing his sources like an asshole.”
To which I assure you couldn’t be further from the truth. OK, yes I will be making some points. But I will definitely, absolutely not be citing any sources. As far as I’m concerned that’s one of the worst things a person can do. The only thing I’ve done that comes close to research (besides the obvious) is interview a number of friends about their porn habits (which as you have already seen, produced little in the way of productive results). No this is not an essay, it’s more of what you would call an anti-essay. Which is what an essay would be if it was incredibly informal, and a rollercoaster ride from start to finish with zero time spent on research or giving due credit. Also any decent anti-essay will spend a good deal of time rambling, blushing and taking deep breaths so the writer doesn’t pass out from embarrassment, and believe me, this one does all that.
So, people, welcome to the anti-essay about porn. Strap the fuck in.
THE TRIANGLE OF GROSS
Ok, so while there are many different elements we could highlight here, I’m just gonna go with the three points that personally disturb me the most. Three points which make up what I call The Triangle of Gross.
- The Takeover of Incest Porn:
I say this in all honesty, I consider incest porn to be the covid19 of the adult entertainment world. Over just the last six years or so, it has completely spread and dominated practically every other erotic genre out there. I can’t explain how bizarre this has been to observe from the sideline. I’m telling you, before like 2014, incest porn was that weird niche of a subgenre that you had to specifically go looking for to find, like tentacle porn or spaghetti porn (my old roommate was really into that). It was one of those categories that lay hidden far away in some dark basement corner of your pornhubs or spankwires.
Don’t believe me? Just look at this article right here with fantasy author George RR Martin. He actually brags about how his series Game of Thrones is bolder than the porn that parodies it because his story has incest and porn won’t go there because it’s too taboo.
That was in 2013!! Do you have any idea of what has changed since then? Incest has spread into practically every faucet of the online porn world. It’s like the Jaime’s and Cersei’s of the world took control of porn and kept shouting at every meeting “We need more brother on sister action! Mother on Son! Father on daughter!!”
{shudders}.
Now look, {deep breath} I get that sexuality is a complex machine that, generally, should not be morally judged as long as everything is consensual. I get that. However, I’m willing to bet everything I own that this recent trend is not, in fact, consensual, and by that I mean not consensual to the viewers themselves.
In all the talks I’ve had with other guys about porn not one has suggested that they enjoy this current trend and practically all of them seem rather repulsed by it. How do I know they aren’t lying? Call it a hunch. Look, maybe some of them are into it in a once-in-awhile kind of way, but certainly not in a let’s-have-this-shit-dominate-the-top-page way. Take my word on that.
You know what, I’m having a real hard time going into all this, so I’m gonna try using an analogy, ok?
Let’s say you go to the zoo occasionally, right? Let’s say each time you go, you’re in a different sort of mood. Sometimes you’re in the mood to see the penguins first, and just bask in their gentle, tender ways. Sometimes you’re in the mood to go see the monkeys, and watch them act wild and scream as loud as they can. And sometimes, you want to see the tigers do their aggressive, beastly thing. It just depends on what kind of a mood I am in.
But never, EVER, have you ever gone to the zoo and thought to yourself, “What I really want to do is go to the tiger cage and watch one of the tigers fuck his own mother.”
That has just never happened.
Now I am sure there are some uppity zoologists out there wearing those tight little glasses that pinch the bridge of their nose who are clucking their tongues right now and saying in a condescending high pitch voice, “Welllll actually, what you don’t know is that deep down we all want to watch the tiger fuck his tiger mother before killing his tiger father.”
And to that I say okay, fine, maybe, maaaaybe, somewhere deep down inside all of us that might be true. BUT NOT WHEN I GO TO THE ZOO. NEVER WHEN I GO TO THE ZOO.
But let’s just say that someone at the zoo had this crazy idea that that’s what we all wanted to see. Tigers fucking their mothers. They had a whole cage just for that. Do you know what would happen? Do you?! There would be a huge public outcry and that person would be fired and that cage would disappear altogether.
But that’s the difference between the real zoo and this fake, porn-y zoo that I just invented in hopes of trying not to blush but in fact am realizing it’s only making things worse and I’m going to stop with this zoo equals porn thing right now.
The fucking point I’m trying to make is that because no one talks about porn the way they talk about the zoo, this shit goes unchecked, and now we have literally thousands of videos on the front page of every major porn site that have actors pretending to be blood related because they think the viewer prefers it more than any other kind of pornography. AND THAT’S NOT FUCKING TRUE. THAT’S AN OFF-MENU ACQUIRED TASTE THAT’S NOT MEANT TO BE THE FIRST THING YOU FIND ON A STANDARD PORN SITE.
Now I think I understand what happened here. It’s what you call the slippery slope… thing. Porn creators discovered pretty early on that part of the attraction of porn was the hybrid of the fantasy and the forbidden. And they soon realized that part of us are attracted to those who are in the position to nourish and nurture us, as well as those in position to revere us in a more paternal way. So genres like “School teacher” and “babysitter” soon grew in great popularity over the years. And while some of these videos are more problematic than others, on the whole it is generally accepted as decent, fun categories. OK, great, no problems there.
But then, because someone always has to try and improve things, someone suggests instead of teacher or babysitter that it should be “friend’s mom” or “friend’s daughter”, which is still on the same path of the nurturer/needing nurturing but a just a bit more twisted/forbidden, but still relatable ( If some guy tells you he never had a crush on a friend’s mom when he was growing up, he’s lying).
And then the slope continues to slip, and someone comes up with the big idea to “step” things up a bit (ha!) and replace the friend’s mom with the step-mom. And then before you know it, the slope has completely slipped into the insanity that is undeniable incest. Just a mother and a son, or a father and daughter, or brother or sister, getting it on.
Yuck.
Now look, again, I’m not saying that ZERO people are into this, and I’m not judging the ones that are. Fantasy is just that. Fantasy. What I’m saying is that for some topsy turvy reason the creators of porn seem to legitimately believe almost all of its users want this type of porn more than any other, and I think it’s because no one is speaking up on the issue. So here I am, puting myself out there and saying loudly and proudly: I DON’T WANT TO FUCK MY MOTHER OR SISTER OR DAUGHTER. And most people I know don’t want to do that either.
Oh boy, I think I might pass out. Ok, let’s go to another interview.
Me (on phone): Hey man, how’s it going?
Friend: Good, how’s it going with you? Crazy times, Am I right? haha.
Me (laughing): yes indeed. Listen, I’m doing this essay about porn, and I was wondering if I could ask you a few questions.
Friend: Uhh, ok…
Me: OK, in your opinion, what do you think has caused this immense rise in incest porn over the last some odd years?
Friend: What?! Incest porn?! What the hell kind of porn do you watch?
Me: no, it’s not what I watch, it’s everywhere. Even if you’ve never clicked on one you’ve seen how it takes over the top page of every major site, yes?
Friend: I would never click on such a video. That’s gross dude.
Me: I’m not saying you have, I’m just saying you’ve seen a lot of them as you browse through the selection.
Friend: I don’t know what you’re talking about, man. My top page is only full of good, normal porn where everyone is treated properly. You better not write otherwise, man.
Me: No, just listen, I’m not judging you, I”m simply saying-
Friend: No, I don’t admit to any of that. Look, if you have any of that stuff on your top page it must because of your viewing history. It’s your algorithms, man.
Me: Don’t you talk shit on my algorithms. They are just fine. Besides that’s not even how it works, pornhub isn’t netflix…
Friend: Whatever dude, look I gotta go, see ya later.
Me: MY PORN ALGORITHMS ARE PERFECTLY NORMAL, YOU ASSHOLE. THIS IS BIGGER THAN BOTH OF US.
[click]
2. Gross Men in Porn.
Can we just talk for a minute about the complete imbalance of straight porn where the girl is gorgeous with a fantastic body and the guy is like some completely different species,totally out of shape, with a face like a bulldog and a huge gut and like thirty years older… I can’t help but just feel bad for these (mostly) young women who have to do all that with those gross dudes. I mean half these guys look like the type you wouldn’t want to be hanging around a school playground. Just altogether gnarly.
But physical appearance is only half of what I mean. The men in porn are often gross in their personalities too. Like I get that there is a subgenre of male dominance, but do eighty percent of the videos have to be guys treating the women like absolute shit? Does that really have to be the case? Does he have to take the back of some poor girl’s head and just suffocate her until her eyes start watering and she’s gagging and gasping for air? Is this the best we can do?
Again, for the fourth or fifth time, I get that there is an audience for this and as long as it’s consensual I have no problem with it. My question is why is this the standard? Why is treating women like shit in videos the standard and not some small niche? Why is it the ‘female friendly porn (which is an odd name for “not being a complete shitheel to women”) the niche genre that you really have to go looking for while most of the videos on the top page are BOSS PUNISHES SECRETARY FOR BEING LATE or various other torture porn videos.
I think the answer for why it’s like this is rather obvious. Porn creators are trying to appeal to what they think is their target audience, which they must assume are out-of-shape trolls who live in their parent’s basement and have a real anger towards women. And again, I think if there was just more research, outreach, or discussion over who watches this, they might realize they don’t have to appeal to the lowest common fucking denominator.
Again, I’m not saying that normal people aren’t into dominance or aggressive sex or anything like that… oh christ, I feel like I’m just on an endless cycle of qualifers now. I just think the standard of porn should show everyone having a good time. That’s the healthiest path right?
Which brings me to my third and final point of the Triangle of Gross.
3. The Poor Women
Every decent man, whether he admits it or not, has been in that uncomfortable position of being in the middle of a video, enjoying himself thoroughly, when the video takes a dark turn, and suddenly the woman who looked like she was enjoying herself just a second before is now clearly not. She is having the opposite of a good time, and her male partner in the video just couldn’t give a shit less. Never anything as explicit as her screaming “stop I don’t like this,” but her change of expression or she’s clearly crying out in real pain. And when this happens the man watching has to make a choice. Either hit the back button and find a new video, or convince himself that this porn star is actually just a waaaaaay better actress than he gave her credit for and to continue as planned (yeah, I know).
And then sometimes a man will be watching a video and notice there is something off with the woman in the video, only to realize soon after that she’s clearly on some kind of substance and drugged up. Again, obviously a huge red flag. And like the problem above, I just see this issue growing in volume with each passing year. Not to state the obvious, but if an actress is too drugged up to act coherently, she’s too fucking drugged up to be in a porno and someone on set should fucking know that and do something about it.
You know what, I really don’t know what else to add to this part. It’s just so fucking sad and awful, I have nothing funny to say about it and I feel ashamed that I in anyway associate with this sort of industry. So I’m just going to go to an interview before making my big point in this anti-essay.
Me: Hey man, how’s it going? Listen, so I’m doing this piece on porn and I wanted to ask you some questions. Specifically about when you’re a watching a video and realize the girl is no longer into it and that wave of guilt hits you-
Him: No. Fucking no, Randy. Listen, I just finished a nine mile run and I was feeling great about life until you called. I’ve been scared shitless with the state of the world for months now, and you’re gonna throw this at me now, now?! No. Goodbye. Eat shit.
{Click}
My Major Point: We Need Regulation in Porn
For me, if the triangle of gross tells us anything, it’s that we need serious regulation in porn. Now, I know I said I wouldn’t be citing any sources, but I guess I already broke that rule with the GRRM article, so here’s another one that clearly points out how unregulated this industry is. Millions and millions of videos of sex and there’s nobody out there looking out for the actors to make sure everything is ok and comfortable. That’s insane. And it has led to an insane world of incest and abuse. Now obviously the incest aspect is less serious because the actors aren’t actually blood related, they are just pretending to be for… our benefit I guess (even writing that is just so weird) but the abuse part, yeah that’s just bad and shitty and needs to end. And not just for the poor women either.
Going back to the very title of this post, the problem with porn in a pandemic is that you have millions of lonely men with no one to turn to, so they rely on that old siren song of pornography over and over and over again, breathing in these problematic and fucked up scenes while the whole world is seemingly dying outside of their walls and… I don’t know, that just seems completely and utterly unhealthy to me for obvious reasons, and the side effects that could come from this are far beyond my pay scale, but sweet jesus, we should probably get together as a population and get this regulated before the second wave hits and we all pretend to ignore the sounds coming from the speakers of someone’s laptop of a “daughter” asking her “father” for more while crying out in real pain.
(Quick note here. After finishing this piece I asked a friend of mine to read it and give me his thoughts. Turns out, I should have interviewed him right away. Here is what he told me:
Randy, I overall enjoyed the article but felt you coped out at the end by simply saying “it’s above your pay grade” regarding the actual negative Effects of porn. I get that you’re trying to be funny, but come on. Also,The main point in the article I thought was missing was the physiological damage of porn, and the inability of men to separate real life from fantasy. As an avid porn consumer I have completely lost my ability to pick up on women. This I feel is due to the fact that porn gives comfort but never requires anything in return. Thus never needing to go out of my comfort zone. Kinda like why go out and hunt when a free meal is always available.
Well look at that! I finally got a real, honest answer after I’ve already written the damn thing! But I guess that’s the perfect ending for an anti-essay. I told you it was gonna be a rollercoaster ride. Okay, I’m gonna jump in a well now and pretend I didn’t just talk about all that. Join me next week when we get back to basics and I put myself in another stupid situation! )
Up next: Writing a Novel on Privilege Pills.
