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The Biggest Jerkhole Tippers of All Time
If there is one thing I have against some of our visitors from the north, it’s that they love to remind me (and everyone else in the city) that we don’t know the meaning of cold down here. This annoys me for two reasons. One, shut up, who cares about weather, don’t you have anything better to do than brag about temperature? And two, that’s not true. OK, it’s mostly true. Usually, I will admit, even our cold days down here ain’t that cold. But mostly true isn’t the same as always true. And what is always true is that at least a few times a year, we here in…
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Protected: (Patreon Only) All Dogs, Maybe Some Cats?
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A Night of Regrets
It’s late March on a Saturday night in the French Quarter, and my mask wraps crooked around my mouth like a thin slice of raw pork, soggy with my own spit and sweat. The results of screaming for the last two hours. One tour down, one more to go. My left pocket is stuffed with tips, but my jaw aches and my throat is killing me. Telling stories for hours straight night after night in the quarter is never easy, but man, if you want a challenge try doing it with fabric strapped over your talking hole. Especially when you have to shout loud enough to make yourself heard over…
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My Disastrous Debut Tour; or How I Was Attacked and Humiliated by a Blowup Doll
My first tour I ever gave was on Halloween night. And in case you were wondering, that’s pretty much the worst day to ever pop your cherry as a ghost tour guide, as the quarter is just a madhouse of costumes, drunks, and agitators. You can probably picture it in your head right now. Even the most seasoned veteran guide has their troubles during Devil’s night, but if you’re a brand spanking new tour guide, it truly becomes a trial by fire. What made my situation even worse was that in the days, weeks, and months leading up to then I had all the time in the world to do…
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A Near Murder on a Ghost Tour!
So this all happens on a pub crawl tour, a haunted pub crawl tour, to be precise. This can be a great tour at times. And at other times, not so much. This is a story of a not-so-great time, where I am in charge of guiding a bachelor party of five to four different bars in two hours. Before the tour even starts I know this might be a challenge. I have no idea how stupid things are gonna get though. Our first stop is relatively harmless. We enter this restaurant/bar on the corner of Bourbon and St Peter, and go upstairs to the 2nd floor bar to get…
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Patreon!
I have started a patreon! Holy wow! How exciting! If you feel at all like you want to support my tireless journey to capture all the absurdity of life, please click on the link below and accept a thousand of my hugs! https://www.patreon.com/randythestoryteller I love you all dearly!
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Protected: (Patreon)My Date with the Bitter Ex-Husband
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Protected: (Patreon) ELEVEN TIPS ON HOW TO BE A BETTER GUEST ON MY TOUR
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Protected: (Patreon) A (Bizarre) Tale of… EXTORTION!
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A Serious Attack
It all started at noon in the park. I had just finished that Hemmingway documentary on PBS which inspired me to come out to nature and re-read the first couple of chapters of The Sun Also Rises. It was a lovely, sun-filled day, the perfect day for this sort of thing. Of course I should be in my room writing, but sometimes you have to follow your heart. So there I am at my favorite park picnic table by the water, reading my book and feeling pretty good about things overall. And then, can you believe it, a chicken pops out from the line of trees that border the water…
